


Mirrors On The Wall

by grump_ass



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Gen, eliza is a girl's best friend, fuck you thomas pink is a good colour on alex, misgendering (not intentional), nobody is gross thomas just think's he's a goddamned fashionista, trans girl alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7072171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grump_ass/pseuds/grump_ass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex gets the courage to go dress shopping, Thomas tries to not be a fuck boy extraordinaire, and Aaron is the boyfriend that wants to be in the room where it happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirrors On The Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Trans gal Alex, please refer to her with she/her pronouns in the comments (should you choose to make my day and comment)

It had taken Alex three days, two hours, and fifty seven minutes to work up the courage to call Eliza and ask her to go dress shopping with her.

 

Eliza was surprised, well aware the Alex wasn’t very out, if at all. Not even Aaron knew about this; Eliza only knew because Alex had drunkenly admitted it to her, and she had refused to let her sweep another set of emotions under the rug.

 

“You aren’t going to internalize another damn emotion, Alex, not on my watch,” she had said before adjusting her hold on Alex’s hair so she could hurl into the toilet some more. Alex had always been, what the kids called, “A Hot Mess Drunk.”

 

Neither one of them had expected Alex to be ready to go shopping for clothes she actually liked this soon, but Alex was sick of wearing the same loose, shapeless t shirts every day instead of clothes she preferred.

 

Eliza picked her up on a saturday, and took her shopping. Alex was excited, but let Eliza lead her around the mall, discreetly holding up blouses and dresses to Alex when nobody was looking and leading her into the changing stalls with her, helping her zip and arrange her clothing. 

 

Clothes shopping was nerve wracking though. Alex felt exposed and nervous in these busy stores with flitting eyes. Plus, she was aware that her five o'clock shadow was an abundance of stubble now, and that people probably thought she was Eliza’s boyfriend. Alex almost didn’t buy a pair of shoes because the cashier checking them out saw Alex and decided to talk about how nice it was of Alex to help her girlfriend.

 

“It’s just so sweet,” she gushed, “My boyfriend would never accompany me to the store. You’re lucky that he’s so good to you.” She winked at Eliza and smiled at Alex, unaware of the roundhouse kick Alex had just received to the gut. Eliza just offered a strained smile and paid for the shoes before ushering Alex away to try on more clothes, although the misgendering made her reluctant to stay in the store any longer than necessary.

 

She managed to make it out in relatively one piece, even managing to find a dress she liked on herself, and a sweater to go over it incase Alex got too cold, although she would never wear it outside, not for a while at least. Eliza reassured her that the outfit looked good. On the drive home, Eliza pressed her hand from across the console, smiling at Alex as she stared anxiously at the bag she’d shoved between her knocking knees.

 

Eliza bought Alex coffee, which didn’t ease her anxiety but ultimately made her happier, before dropping her off at her and her boyfriend’s apartment. Alex cursed when she saw Thomas’ car parked, but thanked Eliza regardless before getting out and going upstairs. Upon unlocking and opening the door to her apartment, Alex was greeted to the sight of Aaron on the couch, watching Thomas and James go over a homework assignment. 

 

Aaron looked over when he heard Alex come in, and smiled when she kissed his forehead upon her arrival. 

 

“Hello, Alexander.”

 

While it wasn’t intentionally bad, and Alex knew that, the name made her cringe. She pressed through.

 

“Hey, baby.” 

 

Thomas made a gagging noise, and while normally Alex would love to engage Thomas in whatever bullshit he tried starting, she was too eager to try on the dress. And while she knew that she should probably wait for Aaron and his friends to leave, she was too excited at the prospect of wearing the dress to pay attention to the nagging voice in her mind.

 

She ignored Thomas, instead trying to slip away to the bathroom, offering hurried responses when Aaron asked where she’d gone (“The mall”), who with (“Eliza”), and what she got (“Just some things”) before reaching the bathroom and shutting the door.

 

Alex pulled the dress out of the bag, holding it out before her and turning it slightly to appreciate it’s color and shape before stripping down to her underwear. She looked to the mirror for a moment, only to shut her eyes and pull on the dress, trying to block out how things looked Wrong, how Out Of Place things seemed to her.

 

Her hands shook as she, with some difficulty, zipped up the back of her dress. She fluffed her hair out of the collar, and felt herself smile. She turned towards the door, angling her head so she could see her profile in the mirror, as it cracked open and Thomas stepped in.

 

Alex froze, as did Thomas, hands fisting in the skirt of her dress.

 

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself, stepping away from Thomas. 

 

Thomas gaped at her for a moment.

 

“Don’t tell Aaron,” because that was all she could think of; because she didn’t want Aaron to think she was lying to him. That she was hiding things from him again.

 

Thomas finally spoke; “I won’t.”

 

“Don’t you dare breathe a word of this, Jefferson.”

 

“I won’t, Alexan- Alex.”

 

“If you do, I’ll-”

 

“You’ll what?” Thomas challenged, as if he had already forgotten that he had just walked in on Alex In A Dress, had unknowingly caught his friend’s boyfriend pretending to be a-

 

When Alex only responded with shaking, Thomas bit his lip, cast his eyes on the ground instead of at Alex, as if she was a train wreck he didn’t want to watch.

 

Thomas hesitated in the door before mumbling, “Hurry up and get changed so I can take a piss, please,” and shutting the door, Alex still shaking where she stood. She got dressed quickly, shoving the dress into the bag and hurrying out of the bathroom.

 

She went to the bedroom and shoved the bag under her bed. Alex let herself drop to the floor and hold herself as she tried to beat back the anxiety attack currently ripping through her. She hugged her legs and hid her face in her knees, trying to count slowly and even out her breaths in time to her counting, like John had taught her back in the Force. 

 

If John was here, he would have helped her. Wouldn’t have cared that she was a girl, would have still called her his best friend, would have wanted her to be happy. He would have threatened to drag Jefferson from hell and back if he tried telling anybody that he saw her in a dress.

 

It was times like this that made Alex miss John more.

 

There was soft knocking at her door, and when she looked up Aaron was in the doorway, eyebrows knit in concern. 

 

“Alexander?”

 

The name still hurt to hear, but she reached out for Aaron, and yes, there were tears now streaking down her cheeks, fuck. 

 

“Thomas said I should talk to you- shit, come here,” Aaron whispered, scooping Alex up in his arms and petting her hair. Alex buried her face in his chest, breaths slowing down more as her mind began to clear.  

 

“Baby, what happened,” he asked as he ran his fingers through her tresses. 

 

Alex could only shake her head.

 

“No, baby, what’s wrong? Thomas looked worried, so I know this is an actual pro-”

 

“It’s not,” Alex insisted, but the words were strained, and she went back to hiding her face in Aaron’s chest. 

 

Aaron sighed at her, but relented, cradling her and reminding her to just breath. When she stopped crying, he spoke again.

 

“Do you want to sit on the couch, or in bed?”

 

“Bed.”

 

Aaron cradled her carefully before lifting her onto the bed and laying down next to her. After arranging the covers around Alex, he stroked her cheek.

 

“What did Thomas say,” Alex managed.

 

“Uhm- That I should talk to you, because you seemed anxious-”

 

“Thomas knows what an anxiety attack looks like?” It was supposed to be a joke.

 

“...He knows what James’ look like…”

 

“...Right.”

 

“And he said to tell you when you calmed down that pink is a good color on you.”

 

“...What?”

 

“But yellow or green would suit you better? I don’t know where that came from, but he said you’d get it.”

 

Aaron looked into Alex’s eyes.

 

“Would you like to tell me what he meant.”

 

She wanted to. Alex really wanted to, before Aaron found out about the dress or the secret set of pronouns or before Alex drank too much and told the truth. 

 

Instead she said, “One day. I promise.”

 

Aaron looked disappointed, but gave Alex a meaningful look.

 

“I’m going to hold you to that,” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

 

“I promise,” she whispered, and for a moment she imagined walking down the street in her dress, holding Aaron’s hand and being happy and not trapped.

 

For now, she could be satisfied resting in Aaron’s arms, and knowing that, when the time was right, he’d be waiting for her to tell him what Thomas had meant.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr at grump-ass


End file.
